Roving Eyes: What's Happening Inside a Man When He Looks At Other Women
Posted: Tuesday, April 25, 2006
by Clark Grove
http://www.Insideofmen.com
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 3 months and I’m wanting to invest more in the relationship. But I worry about how interested in and attracted to me he is. When we’re together in public he always turns his head when a pretty woman walks by. This even happened when we were out for my birthday dinner! Is this a bad sign for the relationship?
Now this was a very important aptitude during our evolutionary development when the survival of the tribe/clan/community rested on lots of healthy babies. An attractive/pretty woman then is what an attractive/pretty woman is now physical characteristics that show the signs of reproductive health. Think of female media darlings now (like Ashlee Simpson and Angelina Jolie). They have bodies that actually represent health and fertility. Bodies that are symmetrical and curvy (women with waist measurements that are 70% of their hip measurements are universally seen as attractive) are generally more fertile than women with less symmetrical and curvy bodies.
It was advantageous for men to be attracted to more healthy and fertile women because it meant more chance of producing healthy babies (for the good of the clan, of course!). This evolutionary behavior is deeply encoded in all heterosexual men, regardless of race, religion, creed, national origin or marital status. It is not a commentary on his view of your attractiveness.
Remember when I said that he isn’t in control of his eyes “to a point"? If he does more than a cursory glance for example moving his chair to get a better look, suddenly having an urgent need to get up and go to the bathroom, or making suggestive remarks to the woman then he can no longer claim the visual cortex defense.
Such behavior would indicate that he is consciously responding to her, and it’s important for him to learn how his response affects you. How he responds to you when you share your feelings will tell you a lot more about him and the potential of your relationship than where his eyes roam.
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)You are insane. We live in the real world!
I think that this article is a total cop out. Men can't control themselves due to "caveman" like behavior? Please. Don't get me wrong I think there is nothing wrong with a man who glances at an attractive woman and then moves on but, to stare at her while your wife or girlfriend is with you is not only wrong but shows no class as well. After all, you are a MAN now right? You're not that pimply faced teen all pent up with hormones and not knowing what to do with them. Show some self control for pity's sake.
Acutually, that makes sense. If it's just an inital notice, it's ok. Turning your head, staring etc. is not. That behavior can be changed by your man if, you are honest with him about your feelings and, he cares enough to change. If it persists, get out now. It will only manifest over time. You deserve better.
well i agree and i am a female ! i know the man really loves me, but he just can't control himself and it sucks ! but i am starting to accept the idea that this will never change ! i am beautiful and it hurts even more, and he stares still inspite of my looks, so that's not the real issue !
I accept your caveman theory, however, it is still really painful. My husband has had roaming eyes from the very beginning of our relationship. I threatened to not marry him if it did not stop. He tries hard to control his desire to look at pretty women, however, I see him struggling. Some women like his attention and they make sure he sees them when we are at my sons soccer games. I just wish it did not make me feel so bad about my self.
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